Stop Chasing the Wrong Things in Life {Chase These Instead!}

Stop Chasing the Wrong Things in Life {Chase These Instead!}

We’re all chasing something.

But, sadly, most people are spending their lives chasing the wrong things.

How do you know if you’re chasing the wrong things?  You’ll likely feel restless, frustrated, unfulfilled, and unhappy, just to name a few.

There’s a sense of wanting something more but not quite being able to put your finger on it.

Today, we’ll take a closer look at why we tend to go for the wrong things, what not to chase, and most importantly, what you should chase in life.

Why You Need to Be Your Own Best Friend

Why You Need to Be Your Own Best Friend

Best friends aren’t perfect, but we love them just as they are.  Sure, they frustrate us and sometimes even hurt us, but we believe in them, and we’re always there for them.

We’re they’re cheerleaders, support system, partner in crime and we want only the best for them.

If they’re going for a new job, we know they’re the best person for it, and if they don’t get it, then we see the company that rejected them as idiots for not picking her.

We do all of this because we love her and it allows us to see beauty in her flaws.

Now, if we think about how we treat ourselves, for most of us, it’s an entirely different picture.

We’re our worst enemy and biggest bully.

We doubt ourselves, only see our flaws (and even make up flaws just to criticize ourselves), say horrible things in our heads about ourselves, get in our own way, and abuse/punish ourselves.

We extend compassion and grace to our best friend, but loathing and disappointment to ourselves.

Imagine how different you would be if you treated yourself the way you treat your best friend.

11 Types of Girlfriends You Need in Your 40's

11 Types of Girlfriends You Need in Your 40's

Connection is a big part of feeling whole.

As I talk to women in my 100 Coffee Chats project and ask them what’s missing in their lives, ‘friends’ come up frequently.

Yes, they have friends, but the friendships aren’t as close as they were when they were younger, or they’re not local.

Women in their 40s are craving connection with other women.

While there are many reasons real friendships are harder to come by in your 40s, that doesn’t mean you can’t make it a priority.

As you assess who is currently in your life, it’s important to also look at what types of friends are missing in your life.

Why You Don't Want to Silence Your Inner Bully

Why You Don't Want to Silence Your Inner Bully

You know the voice...that mean inner critic that is always whispering terrible things to sabotage your best of intentions.

How often has it stopped you in your tracks, made you doubt yourself, then play it much safer than you originally planned?

I call it the Inner Bully because it’s verbally beating you up, taunting you, and controlling your actions.

That super critical voice is a form of self-abuse, but believe it or not, it has a purpose.

Despite the term ‘bully’ or ‘critic,' the voice comes from a loving place within you.  It’s trying to protect you from getting hurt.  

Its intentions are pure, but it’s methods are not.

8 No BS Tips for Dating in Your 40's

8 No BS Tips for Dating in Your 40's

Dating in your 40's is a different ballgame than dating in your 20's.  Regardless of whether you’ve never been married or, more than likely, you’re getting back out there after ending a marriage or a long term relationship.

Dating in your 40's doesn’t have to be a drag - it can be a lot of fun!

It’s all in how you approach it.

In fact, in my experience, it’s a LOT more fun to date in my 40s than it was in my 20s.

But, because dating is so different between now than in your past, let’s talk about a few useful tips to make the experience even more rewarding.

Why You Need to Make Time for Solo Time

Why You Need to Make Time for Solo Time

Everyone is busy - work, the gym, errands, the kids, friends, dating, etc.

Women tend to be responsible for not only their own lives, but they typically shoulder the bulk of the responsibility within the family dynamic.  Not to mention, trying to nurture and grow their careers.

The result - there’s no time left for you.

While the crazy schedules and never ending to-do list are somewhat to blame, women themselves are also partly to blame.  

Women try to be martyrs.  They see value in themselves when they ‘do it all', take care of everyone’s needs and everything else that goes into being the ‘perfect’ mom, partner, employee, boss, daughter, friend, etc.

In the process of this madness, they sacrifice themselves.

Sound familiar?

All you’re doing is harming your own health (physical, emotional, and mental) while not providing your best self for those in your life.

What to do When Your Career Isn't Enough

What to do When Your Career Isn't Enough

In America, our careers define us.  

Whether we’re making small talk at a party or on a first date, one of the first questions asked is ‘so, what do you do?’.  

What we do is part of our identity, so it’s no surprise that we look to our career to provide us with purpose and fulfillment in addition to income.

It starts early - we spend our youth thinking about what we want to be when we grow up.

We go to college, get a degree, then enter the workforce ready to take on the world.

Some people are lucky enough to pick careers they love until the day they retire.

But, for many of us, we’re not so lucky.

What about those feeling stuck in careers that no longer bring them any sense of fulfillment or enjoyment?

What then?

How to Improve Your Self-Worth

How to Improve Your Self-Worth

How strong is your sense of self-worth?

Your self-worth is arguably one of the most important parts of yourself to work on and strengthen because it is your foundation.

Your self-worth is behind every decision you make, every thought you have about yourself, and how you approach your life.

A lot of people confuse self-worth with self-esteem or assume they’re two words for the same thing. But, they’re not. While connected, they’re two different things.

Your self-esteem will ebb and flow, even if you have a healthy self-esteem.  But your self-worth is unwavering.

Your self-esteem is a product of your self-worth.

So, if you want to make changes to your life, start with your self-worth.

It's Not Selfish to Want More From Your Life

You’ve worked hard to get where you are in life and proud of everything you’ve accomplished.  When you set your mind to a task, you typically make it happen.

You have everything you wanted, and for all outward appearances, you are the picture of success.

While you are grateful for the life you’ve built for yourself, you have a secret that you don’t want to admit to anyone…

You’re not happy with the life you’ve created for yourself because it’s not enough.

And, you feel incredibly selfish for wanting more.

 

‘WANTING MORE’ = ‘WANTING SOMETHING DIFFERENT’

People judge people.

In spite of the fact that no one likes this, most people judge others.

The problem with this is that most people live their lives according to other people’s judgment.  Either they do what other people want or expect, or they don’t do what they want because of what other’s might think or say.

This mindset is part of what leads us to feel selfish for wanting more.

Just saying the phrase ‘wanting more’ sounds selfish! Don’t get me wrong - in some cases, the pursuit of ‘more’ can cross the line into selfish territory, but in most ‘normal’ cases, it's not selfish.  It’s being a human.

 
It’s human nature to want more and to strive for more.

Wanting more because you’re not feeling fulfilled or satisfied with your current life isn’t selfish.
 

So, let’s reframe ‘wanting more’ and think of it as ‘wanting something different.'

Regardless of how successful your life appears to others, you want things to be different because it’s not fulfilling or providing the enough meaning.

Everyone desires a life that makes them feel like they are providing value to the world and doing work that makes them proud.  If your current career and life choices aren't giving that to you, it doesn't matter how impressive or high paying is your job or how cool are your extracurricular activities.

It’s not selfish to want to live a life that excites you, fulfills you, and gives you a sense of purpose.

If you want “more” from your life and you’re afraid to make the necessary changes because of what others think, you have to let that go, or you’ll never be in control of your own life.

 

YOU ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING

In our society, you pick a career when you’re in high school so you can choose a college and a major.  I’ve always thought this was ridiculous!  

How can you know what you want to do with the rest of your life when the world of opportunities has just started to unfold for you?

Yet, you pick a college and a major and start down the path for a life you choose before you are allowed to see an “R” rated movie.

Then, 25 years later, after living that life and realizing it doesn’t fit who you are, you feel guilty for wanting to change it.

Here’s the thing - even if what you picked for your life in high school was the right for awhile, people change.

Life changes you, and as you enter your late 30s and 40s, life outside of work starts to become more important.

The career goals lose their luster, and the life goals take on more importance.

It’s natural to make shifts and want different things in your life because you are always changing.

 
You are not the same person that you were at 15, 25, or even 35.  Who you are now is not who you’ll be at 55, 65, or 75.

People change, and that’s normal and to be expected.
 

So, how you live your life from your career to your relationships, to what’s important to you will change over time.

It’s not selfish to want to realign how you’re living your life, so it matches who you are as a person.

 

IT’S YOUR LIFE

At the end of the day, this is your life.

You get one shot and every single day that passes is either a lost opportunity to live it how you want or a new chance to do what your heart desires.

You’re the one that will look back on your life when you’re 80 years old and either celebrate all that you did or regret everything you didn’t.

You don’t owe it to anyone to continue living a life that isn’t what you want.

Does this mean some things will change?  Of course. Some will be small changes; others may be large disruptive changes.

But, that’s okay.  It won’t kill you or anyone else.

I hope the people in your life that care about you, ultimately, want you to be happy.

Keep in mind when others try to hold you back or criticize you when you try to change, it’s not about you.  You’re bumping up against their insecurities, and the criticism and desire to prevent you from changing are because they don’t want to deal with the fact that they aren’t strong enough to do the same.

Don’t worry about them - be strong enough to follow your heart

If you aren’t happy with your life and you crave more, seek it and find it.

You deserve the life you crave.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Life is never easy, and as the years pass, we change.

Who we are, what we want, what we enjoy, what’s important to us - it all changes with each passing year.

If the life you’ve worked so hard to create for yourself is no longer fitting with the person you have become, it’s perfectly okay to reinvent yourself.

It’s not selfish to want more from your life - it’s natural.

Forget Self-Esteem! Focus on your Self-Worth

Forget Self-Esteem! Focus on your Self-Worth

Self-esteem and self-worth…

Two words for the same thing, right?

WRONG!

A lot of people think these are interchangeable, but they’re not.

Your self-worth is SO much more than just your self-esteem.

Knowing the difference will allow you to focus on improving your sense of self-worth because that’s much more impactful on your life.