It's Not Selfish to Want More From Your Life

You’ve worked hard to get where you are in life and proud of everything you’ve accomplished.  When you set your mind to a task, you typically make it happen.

You have everything you wanted, and for all outward appearances, you are the picture of success.

While you are grateful for the life you’ve built for yourself, you have a secret that you don’t want to admit to anyone…

You’re not happy with the life you’ve created for yourself because it’s not enough.

And, you feel incredibly selfish for wanting more.

 

‘WANTING MORE’ = ‘WANTING SOMETHING DIFFERENT’

People judge people.

In spite of the fact that no one likes this, most people judge others.

The problem with this is that most people live their lives according to other people’s judgment.  Either they do what other people want or expect, or they don’t do what they want because of what other’s might think or say.

This mindset is part of what leads us to feel selfish for wanting more.

Just saying the phrase ‘wanting more’ sounds selfish! Don’t get me wrong - in some cases, the pursuit of ‘more’ can cross the line into selfish territory, but in most ‘normal’ cases, it's not selfish.  It’s being a human.

 
It’s human nature to want more and to strive for more.

Wanting more because you’re not feeling fulfilled or satisfied with your current life isn’t selfish.
 

So, let’s reframe ‘wanting more’ and think of it as ‘wanting something different.'

Regardless of how successful your life appears to others, you want things to be different because it’s not fulfilling or providing the enough meaning.

Everyone desires a life that makes them feel like they are providing value to the world and doing work that makes them proud.  If your current career and life choices aren't giving that to you, it doesn't matter how impressive or high paying is your job or how cool are your extracurricular activities.

It’s not selfish to want to live a life that excites you, fulfills you, and gives you a sense of purpose.

If you want “more” from your life and you’re afraid to make the necessary changes because of what others think, you have to let that go, or you’ll never be in control of your own life.

 

YOU ARE CONSTANTLY CHANGING

In our society, you pick a career when you’re in high school so you can choose a college and a major.  I’ve always thought this was ridiculous!  

How can you know what you want to do with the rest of your life when the world of opportunities has just started to unfold for you?

Yet, you pick a college and a major and start down the path for a life you choose before you are allowed to see an “R” rated movie.

Then, 25 years later, after living that life and realizing it doesn’t fit who you are, you feel guilty for wanting to change it.

Here’s the thing - even if what you picked for your life in high school was the right for awhile, people change.

Life changes you, and as you enter your late 30s and 40s, life outside of work starts to become more important.

The career goals lose their luster, and the life goals take on more importance.

It’s natural to make shifts and want different things in your life because you are always changing.

 
You are not the same person that you were at 15, 25, or even 35.  Who you are now is not who you’ll be at 55, 65, or 75.

People change, and that’s normal and to be expected.
 

So, how you live your life from your career to your relationships, to what’s important to you will change over time.

It’s not selfish to want to realign how you’re living your life, so it matches who you are as a person.

 

IT’S YOUR LIFE

At the end of the day, this is your life.

You get one shot and every single day that passes is either a lost opportunity to live it how you want or a new chance to do what your heart desires.

You’re the one that will look back on your life when you’re 80 years old and either celebrate all that you did or regret everything you didn’t.

You don’t owe it to anyone to continue living a life that isn’t what you want.

Does this mean some things will change?  Of course. Some will be small changes; others may be large disruptive changes.

But, that’s okay.  It won’t kill you or anyone else.

I hope the people in your life that care about you, ultimately, want you to be happy.

Keep in mind when others try to hold you back or criticize you when you try to change, it’s not about you.  You’re bumping up against their insecurities, and the criticism and desire to prevent you from changing are because they don’t want to deal with the fact that they aren’t strong enough to do the same.

Don’t worry about them - be strong enough to follow your heart

If you aren’t happy with your life and you crave more, seek it and find it.

You deserve the life you crave.

 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Life is never easy, and as the years pass, we change.

Who we are, what we want, what we enjoy, what’s important to us - it all changes with each passing year.

If the life you’ve worked so hard to create for yourself is no longer fitting with the person you have become, it’s perfectly okay to reinvent yourself.

It’s not selfish to want more from your life - it’s natural.

Forget Self-Esteem! Focus on your Self-Worth

Forget Self-Esteem! Focus on your Self-Worth

Self-esteem and self-worth…

Two words for the same thing, right?

WRONG!

A lot of people think these are interchangeable, but they’re not.

Your self-worth is SO much more than just your self-esteem.

Knowing the difference will allow you to focus on improving your sense of self-worth because that’s much more impactful on your life.

Spring Clean Your Mind & Heart {21 Journal Prompts}

Spring Clean Your Mind & Heart {21 Journal Prompts}

Journaling is a powerful tool in your self-care arsenal.  It is in fact, my favorite tool!

There is nothing that brings me more inner peace than curling up on my couch or under my covers in my bed, pulling out my journal, and releasing all the thoughts that are scrambling around in my head.

In the first few minutes of writing, I unload all the chatter that’s taking up space.  Once that’s gone, I start to dive a little deeper on anything that’s currently bothering me, and that’s when the magic happens.

As my pen flows, my heart unlocks, and I start to figure things out and see them from a new perspective.

It’s the cheapest form of therapy I know!

Aiming so High is Keeping you from Success

Aiming so High is Keeping you from Success

You’re a high achiever.

You’ve accomplished a lot in your life, and you’re damn proud of it.  You set goals and make them happen - well, usually.

As a go-getter, in spite of all the goals you have accomplished over the years, I bet you’ve had your fair share that you failed to achieve because you aimed too high.

Am I right?

Sometimes when you aim too high, you keep yourself from being successful.  

How to Make Friends in your 40s

How to Make Friends in your 40s

Humans crave connection.  

Some people crave lots of connection and others want lots of solitude (but, they still need interaction with others).

When you’re young, you have access to others your age via school and make tons of friends.

As adults, it gets harder.

Yes, you’re surrounded by adults in every phase of your life - work, activities, the gym, etc.  but life gets in the way.  Everyone is busy, and friendships drop lower on the list of priorities.

In many cases, friendships weaken and drift away.  Or, maybe you’ve moved to a new city where you don’t know anyone.

I’ve talked to so many women in their 30s and 40s that crave female friendships.  

But, how do you make new friends when you’re busy and don’t have much free time?

Listen Up! Your Inner Bully is Trying to Tell You Something

Listen Up! Your Inner Bully is Trying to Tell You Something

Your Inner Bully talks to you every single day.

No matter how advanced you are on your personal growth journey, your Inner Bully is still there and still chattering away.

In fact, it’s likely that you have several Inner Bullies and sometimes they get together and throw a loud party to make sure you hear them.

In case you’ve forgotten, your Inner Bully comes out the strongest and loudest when you’re about to do something BIG.

I like to use the presence of my Inner Bully as a motivator - when it shows up, it’s time to face my fear and make something epic happen.

But, before I dismiss my Inner Bully, I like to try to figure out what exactly it’s trying to tell me so I can work a little more on myself.

Self-Love is More than Just a Day at the Spa

Self-Love is More than Just a Day at the Spa

Most people are missing the point on self-love.  They see it as taking the time to pamper or indulge ourselves, but that’s not it.  

Pampering or indulging yourself is something you do now and then.  

Loving yourself isn’t something you occasionally do, it’s an ongoing, daily practice.  While it does involve how you treat yourself, the key to self-love is how you feel about yourself (with or without pampering).

While some think it’s selfish or narcissistic to love yourself (it’s not!), it’s as vital to your well being as daily movement and eating healthy.  

"Having it All" is Possible {but it's not what you think!}

"Having it All" is Possible {but it's not what you think!}

You’re a high achieving successful woman and just like everyone else, you want to ‘have it all’.

You’re chasing the perfect utopia where you have a thriving career, loving family, perfect body, and time for yourself.

Yet, you’re burned out, exhausted, and feeling like you have anything but it ‘all’.

Some say it’s not possible for the modern woman to ‘have it all’.  You have to choose between a thriving career and being super involved in your family.

I don’t agree with this.

I think it’s entirely possible to ‘have it all’, but the key is to redefine what that means.

You have to get real with yourself and drop the expectations of everyone else around you.  The ‘having it all’ that you’re chasing may not even be what you truly want!

Use Your Inner Bully to Your Advantage

Use Your Inner Bully to Your Advantage

Nobody likes bullies.  They’re mean, they taunt, and they torture.  

Yet, every single one of us is a bully.

Yes, even YOU.

“Who are you to think you can make that promotion?”

“What makes you so special?  If you get up there and make that speech, everyone will laugh at you.”

“You are NEVER going to get all of this done!  You just don’t have it in you.”

Recognize any of that?  

You might not be bullying other people, but the vast majority of us are bullies to ourselves.

The 3 Behaviors Making us Hate Ourselves

The 3 Behaviors Making us Hate Ourselves

We live in a world where Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, and every other social media app dictate how we should live our lives.  We absently scroll through our feeds without much thought, yet we take in all those images and silently start to judge ourselves.

“How is her life so perfect when I can barely comb my hair some mornings?”

“She’s so lucky, her husband bought her a gift for no reason and clearly adores her.  Mine can’t even be bothered to ask me how my day was…”

“At any given moment, I feel like I’m going to lose my sh*t, yet she’s skipping through the park with ice cream wearing WHITE pants looking perfect.  My life is so unfair.”

Sound familiar?

We spend WAY too much time comparing our lives with that of others (it's so easy with everyone living in glass houses because of social media) and inevitably we come up short.