Do you love yourself? Heck, do you even like yourself? I’m going to guess that for most of you reading this, you might have felt a little uncomfortable asking yourself those questions. But, you SHOULD love who you are! If you can’t love yourself, how in the world can you expect anyone else to?
Have no fear, ladies, because today, we’re going to roll up our sleeves and talk all about it, so grab a cup of coffee (or your beverage of choice), get comfortable, and let’s get started!
In today’s world, women are pulled from all directions. They’re moms, wives, girlfriends, aunts, friends, colleagues, etc. There seems to never be enough time in the day and the expectations on what we *should* accomplish are overwhelming.
Its no wonder that women are really hard on themselves.
We beat ourselves up and we constantly compare ourselves to every other woman and think we fail in comparison.
This is NOT okay!!
Most women have a constant dialogue of negative self talk streaming through their minds and they’re always telling themselves that they’re not “enough”.
This month, I’m going to be focusing on how to reverse all of this and learn to love and accept yourself. We’ll be talking more about negative self talk later in the month, but for now, I want to kick things off by introducing the idea of loving yourself better!
But, before we get started, I just want to clarify something...
Please note that I am NOT advocating that you stop doing things for others, or that it’s wrong to enjoy that…not at ALL! If that makes you happy and brings you joy, by all means keep doing it!! All I’m suggesting is that in the midst of doing things for others and spending time on others that you don’t forget about yourself. That’s all!
You really need a balance in life…time with, and for others, along with time for yourself. You don’t want to tip the scales too far on either end.
What is Self Love?
Let’s first talk about what self love isn’t, okay?
Self love is NOT arrogance and it is not being selfish.
Arrogance is when you think you are better than everyone else and selfishness is when you think your needs are more important than others.
Self love couldn’t be farther from these two extremes.
Before you can have a strong relationship with anyone else (spouse, kids, family, friends, etc.) you need to have a strong relationship with yourself so you can offer the best of you to everyone in your life.
When you love yourself, you’re able to love others better and attend to their needs more intentionally. (Note that I didn’t say that you would love others more, I said better. That’s because you are able to accept yourself, which allows you to accept others more easily.)
When you love yourself you
You know who you are and you genuinely like who you are as a person. You know your own talents, skills, passions, and beliefs and you don’t tend to be swayed by what others think.
You’re not perfect and you know it. But, you don’t stress over the imperfections. You accept those as part of the truly unique and beautiful person that you are. Your imperfections do not define who you are…they just add a little character!
We all screw up and make mistakes. If we love ourselves, we’re kind to ourselves and forgive our mistakes. By forgiving ourselves we allow ourselves to learn from those mistakes. When we learn from our mistakes, we grow stronger, we move on, and we do bigger and better things. It’s okay to not be perfect.It’s okay to make a mistake. It’s okay to fail. Basically, it’s okay to be YOU.
Believe in yourself
If you have a hobby or a passion that you’re good at, you know it (again, not in an arrogant way, but a confident way) and you believe you can take it farther if you have that desire. You’re comfortable talking about your talents and skills. You believe you are capable of reaching your dreams (and you feel you’re worth it!).
Know you’re worth the time to take care of yourself
If you love yourself, you know that you are worth the extra effort to take care of yourself. That may be by eating healthy, working out regularly, taking time for yourself, and indulging in your own passions and hobbies.
Benefits of Loving Yourself
There are so many benefits to loving yourself! Think of how it feels to have someone you love, love you. It feels pretty awesome, right? You feel confident and desired. "Hey, someone likes me and wants to spend time with me!” Right? If you love yourself, it’s kinda the same thing (just minus those awesome "new love" endorphins).
But, just to name a few of the benefits to loving and accepting yourself...
- You feel confident and comfortable in your own skin.
- You tend to aim high and chase your dreams.
- You are perceived as more genuine because the “you” you put out there is the real deal. You don’t feel the need to try to be someone you’re not, to try to impress others.
- You can better assess your needs and desires, which allows you to better take care of yourself and to provide what you need for happiness (which will make everyone else around you happy too!).
Taking Time for Yourself
This can be a touchy subject for some folks (women in particular are more prone to feel guilty for taking time for themselves and that just makes me sad). I think it’s incredibly important to carve out time for yourself.
Women are notorious for putting everyone else ahead of themselves and leaving their own needs and desires last. They see that as a good thing…well, sorry to burst your bubble, but it’s not.
It is NOT selfish to take time for yourself!
Never doing anything for anybody and only taking care of your own needs would be selfish!
But taking an afternoon to indulge in a mani/pedi (or whatever your thing is) is not selfish! Anybody that doesn’t want you to have a little time to yourself to enjoy and be you, is the selfish one (and personally, I’d strongly reconsider that relationship or friendship, but that’s a topic for another day!).
Indulging in your passions and some me-time will give you the energy and contentment to be a better partner, friend, mother, etc. It allows you to be you for just a little bit and do something purely because it brings you happiness.
What’s wrong with that?
It allows you to experience a different world that will only serve to enrich the lives around you by possibly, opening their worlds up to who you really are.
I completely respect that those of you with kids and families struggle to find that time for yourself and most definitely suffer from feeling guilty about it. But I encourage you to work on it. Aside from the benefits that it will bring you (and you ARE worth that ‘me-time'!), it’ll allow them to respect you even more than they already do!
How do I Start Loving Myself?!
If you are already riding the self love train, congrats (virtual high five!)! Keep doing what you’re doing, girlfriend!
If you’re not, that’s okay. We’re going to be talking all kinds of self love this month, so hang with me and I’ll show you how you can fall in love with you!
Your turn friends! How do you feel your self love is these days? Does it need a little tune up, or is your bucket overflowing? I'd love to hear, so leave me a comment below and let me know!