Dating and relationships…they’re hard, right? Hard to find, hard to make work, and hard to let go of. But, if you find the right one, it’s worth the ‘hard’ (at least I’m assuming that’s the case! I’m still looking for the ‘right’ one!).
Some people can’t stand the idea of being on their own and will settle for almost any relationship that comes their way because ‘it’s better than nothing’. But that’s just asking for a life of ‘what if’s’ and disappointments.
If you want to find the right relationship where you are loved and supported and you freely give that in return, you, first, have to really know who you are and feel confident in your own skin. For some, they naturally fall into this camp. For others, it may take some personal work to get there. Otherwise, you’re just partnering up for the sake of having a +1 and/or a ring on your finger and that’s a recipe for disaster!
By getting to know yourself first, you can assess what you really need and want in another person. You also have the opportunity to spot any areas that may need a little extra love and make improvements before pairing up with another.
If we ignore who we really are on the inside and what we really need to feel joy and happiness, we'll continue to find partners that don't quite fit right. When you take the time to get to know yourself and what you want both in life and in a partner, you're armed with more knowledge to help you find the right person instead of the most convenient person.
Bake Your Own Cake
I like to think of it like baking a cake (just go with me on this one, okay?!)...
Think about the best cake you’ve ever tasted. The cake itself was likely moist and flavorful, the frosting just the right amount of sweet to balance the cake, and the sprinkles...oh, the sprinkles! Those lovely little toppings that finish off the cake and add just the extra bit of something special to make it perfect.
Can you see it and taste it?
Now, think about the person that baked this masterpiece of goodness. It’s likely the baker spent time perfecting the recipe. She probably added in her own secret ingredients and/or ratio of ingredients and worked with it over time to get it just right.
When it comes to our own lives, we are our own cake. We’re each unique, so we need to create our own ingredients and not rely on someone else to supply the ingredients. No one else can supply our ingredients because no one else knows us as well as we know ourselves.
You have to figure out your own unique mix that sets your cake apart from the rest. Basically, your have to spend time figuring out your own unique flavor.
From a general sense, there are three parts to a cake…the cake itself, the frosting, and the sprinkles. In life, this equates to who you are (the cake), your passions (the frosting), and your life partner - spouse or significant other (the sprinkles), which is optional since not all cakes need sprinkles to make it perfect!
After some trial and error, you’ll bake your cake and it’ll be justtttt right. It’s the right mix of who you are and how you show up in the world.
Your unique personality, your values, your feelings and opinions, your life experiences all go into to the mix to create who you are.
Maybe you’re spicy or super sweet or good ole plain vanilla! It doesn’t matter, as long as it’s truly you! I guarantee you, there will be someone that will love the cake you bake!
Once you have that set, you're ready to add the frosting. The frosting is that extra sweet layer of goodness that takes a cake to a whole other level!
The frosting represents your passions, your hobbies, the extra things in life that make your soul sing and your spirit soar! These are the things that may change over time, but they truly represent the unique and fun side of yourself. It's another part of what makes you who you are!
Like the cake, though, the right frosting is unique to you. As you learn more about yourself and who you are, you will figure out your own flavor and you'll see that it perfectly complements your cake.
Once you have all of that...you have a beautiful, yummy cake that is amazing just as it is. It's complete on its own and doesn't require anything else to make it delicious and the best cake you've every had.
Buttttt...some pretty sprinkles or a smattering of nuts may be just the thing to top off your cake and make it truly out of this world (or not! A cake without sprinkles can still be amazing!).
The sprinkles represent the partner in your life...your significant other (boyfriend, spouse, whatever!)
Let's think about the sprinkles for a minute. On their own, sprinkles don't really do much. They're pretty, but they only add magic when added to a cake that is fully baked and frosted.
If your cake is only half baked, you're not ready for the sprinkles. They'll just get in the way and you may end up with the wrong sprinkles for your cake.
If your cake is baked, but you haven't decided on a frosting yet, the sprinkles won't have anything to stick to!
It's only after you've done the work to know who you are and what you want that you're in the best position to open yourself up to Mr. Right.
Maybe your cake is perfect without sprinkles! There's nothing wrong with that! Not every cake needs sprinkles!
But, if you think your cake is ready and it definitely needs sprinkles, just remember, you have to pick the right sprinkles for your cake! You've spent so long perfecting your cake by trying different ingredients and picking the right flavor of frosting. It's finally perfect! You don't want to screw it up now by tossing on any old sprinkles!
Be sure you pick the right one that enhances your cake and adds another layer of awesomeness, otherwise, it'll never quite taste right. Try a few a different types of sprinkles on for size to see which goes best, but never ever sacrifice your cake by adding bad sprinkles just for the sake of sprinkles.
It'll ruin your perfect cake.
We are Someone Else's Sprinkles
After all this baking and sprinkling, there's one more thing to keep in mind. While we're busy trying to find the right sprinkles for our finely baked cake, we have to remember...we are the sprinkles to someone else's cake.
And here’s the thing about sprinkles, they’re not a lot of fun if they’re added to an empty plate.
Just like you need to spend time baking your own awesome amazing cake in order to find the right sprinkles, you can’t toss your sprinkles onto someone else’s empty plate or half-baked cake. Your sprinkles will go to waste!!
They’ll be nothing there to support your awesome, amazing sprinkles! Be sure you toss them on someone else’s fully baked and frosted cake so they’re appreciated and perfectly complement each other.
I know this is a bit of a weird metaphor and definitely a little different type of post than I normally do! But sometimes seeing things in a different light allows us to understand things differently.
The moral of my story is…don't rely on others to supply the ingredients for YOUR cake! They can't!! The ingredients can only be found within yourself. Dig deep, look in the back of the cabinet for some things you might have stowed away years ago that can be brought back out to add in your own unique flavor.
It’s only after you spend time on yourself that you can offer the best version of you to someone else. The version that you know inside and out and happen to love just as it is. Once you’re in that place, you’ll likely not waste time on guys that haven’t spent the time on their own cake (i.e. themselves!!).
As for me...my cake is baked, girlfriends, and I'm enjoying the frosting as we speak. I'm cool without the sprinkles for now. I'm not really sure what type of sprinkles I want, anyway. Colorful ones (which tend to attract more attention than the cake), "plain" ones (which allow the cake to shine), maybe nutty ones (wholesome, no fluff, earthy)...maybe a little mix of all that! Yes! That's what I want...I want the sprinkles on my cake to be a mix of all of that. It might not be the prettiest cake around, but it'll be pretty freakin' awesome!
Note to self...when I find the guy that brings all of these sprinkles to the table, he will henceforth be known on the blog as Mr. Sprinkles. But we won't tell him that, okay? It'll be our little inside secret!
Now...I don't know about you...but, I'm ready for a piece of cake!