Changing How You Show Up
How do you show up for your life? Are you confident, in control, and aware of how you are experiencing situations in your life? Or, are you just going along for the ride, wishing you could be different or act differently in certain things?
Most of us are on autopilot and don’t realize that we can control how we show up in our life. How we show up not only impacts how we experience life, but it impacts how others interact with us (which in turn impacts our experience…it’s a lovely circle!).
On Sunday, I returned from a 10 day trip through Dublin, Edinburgh, and Glasgow. With the exception of the first 2 days, I spent the entire trip on my own…and I LOVED it.
In the past, I’ve done solo trips, so this wasn’t my first rodeo, but it was my first solo international non-work trip. It was also the longest I’ve been on vacation by myself. On previous solo trips, I was always a little self-conscious about being on my own. I did it anyway, but I might’ve skipped some things or held myself back from things I might’ve wanted to do because of that insecurity.
For this trip, I didn’t consciously go into it with a plan to change how I'd show up (although, I could’ve and that would’ve worked too), but after several days on my own, it hit me...I had completely changed how I had shown up for this trip.
What was different? I was completely comfortable on my own and I wasn’t concerned what others might be thinking about me. I just did what I wanted to do and completely enjoyed it. Because of this, I did tours, ate at fantastic restaurants, talked to people I might not have otherwise, and fully embraced every opportunity I could see in front of me.
My trip was amazing as a result of my showing up differently.
What It Means to Change How You Show UP
Before we go into what it means to change how you show, let’s start off by talking about what this all means in general.
It impacts the way you treat others as well as the way you act throughout the situation or experience.
Our thoughts impact our feelings which, in turn, impacts our actions (or inactions). How we show up impacts how much fun you have (or how miserable you are).
It’s also how others see you and ultimately how they interact with you as well as the opportunities they may, or may not, present to you.
Finally, it also impacts the opportunities that we see all around us…either we see them or we don’t.
Most of the time, like I mentioned earlier, we’re on autopilot. We show up based on our current mindset, but also influenced by what’s going on with us in that moment.
We can think of it as having a default lens through which we see our world. On a good day, our lens is a bit more colored (think of those rose colored glasses). On a bad day, the lens is a bit more cloudy and gray. When it’s colorful, we see more opportunities and experience our world in a completely different way then when it’s gray and clouded. When it’s in that state, we can’t really see what’s going on, our mood is impacted, so it effects how we show up.
We tend to use the same lens in most cases and on most days, but based on how we’re feeling, we also switch it out as the need fits.
To change how we show up means we have to adjust ourselves internally - absolutely nothing outside of yourself needs to change.
The good news about that…it’s completely within our power!
Why You Should Change How You Show Up
Before we get to the how…let’s talk about the why.
Why should we bother changing how we show up?
Think of all the things you’d like to do, but just can’t seem to bring yourself to trying. If you change how you show up in your life, you will start to go for those things.
How cool is that?
How to Change it Up
It’s all you, baby!
Once you embrace this idea and put it into action, it can truly transform you world.
So, how do you change it up?
It all starts with just being aware that you have this power within in your to decide how you want to show up for any given situation.
Up the Confidence
This may take some practice if you aren’t used to dialing up the confidence, but give yourself some pep talks, remind yourself of how awesome you are, and show up oozing confidence. This will not only change the experience for you, but it will allow others to see you in an entirely new light.
Adjust the Attitude
Be open, be curious, be positive…if you typically go into things with a negative attitude or you’re judging everything (especially when you are a little scared or unsure), it’s time to adjust the attitude. This one change will be like putting on a pair of glasses for the first time and seeing the world around you more clearly.
Drop the Expectations
Expectations are our own stories that we’re projecting onto others. Yes, it’s natural to always expect certain things…you go on a trip and you expect certain places to look a certain way because of movies you’ve seen, books you’ve read, or experiences you’ve heard from others. But, it may not turn out as you expected and that's because you aren’t the book, the movie, or the other person.
So…when you do have expectations, be curious outside of what you are expecting and drop any judgement from anything that doesn’t meet what you were expecting.
Expectations underlie most of our disappointments.
Showing up differently is a choice. For my recent solo trip, I was able to show up differently because of all of the personal growth I’ve achieved over the past year or so (especially through working with my coach this year and by going through coaching school!).
Another area where I will be showing up differently is with dating. I’ve been loving the single life and not putting any effort into dating since I ended my previous relationship a couple of years ago, but I’m now ready to ‘get back out there’.
I’ve always loathed dating…that’s when my inner bully gets the loudest and all my insecurities come to the surface. So, you can imagine how that impacted how I showed up on dates.
This time, I’m going to show up differently.
Previously, I went into dates with the mindset of "Will this guy like me? Will he ask me out for a second date?”. Slightly pathetic
Now, I’ll be going into it with a new mindset: “Do I like him? Do I want to go out with him on a second date?” Confidence!
That subtle shift in my mindset will have me showing up the way I want to…confident, in control, and more ‘me’. Wish me luck!
Learning how to take control of how I show up in any given situation has changed me for the better and I have to say, I like the me that is emerging. And it’s all because I’m showing up differently.