Why We Struggle with Loving Ourselves

Let’s face it, loving ourselves isn’t easy.  As women, the idea of openly loving ourselves and taking care of our own needs isn’t one that is applauded.  We fear being seen as selfish or vain.

The truth is, we’ve never been taught how to make ourselves a priority.

How can we beat ourselves up or expect to change this when we simply don’t know how to do that?

Yet truly, unconditionally loving ourselves is something we all deserve and need. 

As humans, we need love.  We need to give love and to receive love.

Most of us are fine with giving and receiving love from others.
But, we forget that love can flow in any direction and we never allow the unlimited supply of love within ourselves to flow to ourselves.

It sounds impossible, though, right?  To love ourselves as unconditionally as we love others?


We have been taught to be our own worst critic and to hold ourselves to an impossible standard: PERFECTION.

If we are less than perfect, the voices in our head become loud and insistent:  WE ARE A FAILURE.


This is not a way to live your life.  

It is possible for you to accept yourself fully and to love yourself exactly as you.

Before you can start that journey, you have to understand why we tend to struggle with loving ourselves.


Why we Struggle with Self-Love

When you see or hear the word ‘self-love’, what do you immediately think?  How do you instinctively feel?

I bet you tense up a little bit, feel some discomfort, and dismiss it as something you don’t have time for.  

Better yet, I bet you think it’s selfish and possibly even vain.

Am I right?


We werent Raised to Love Ourselves

Women have always been taught self-sacrifice because we’re seen as ‘nurturers’.  We’re not supposed to take time for ourselves because there are way too many things you should be doing for everyone else.

It was modeled for us throughout our childhood at home, on TV, and in books.  We’ve seen our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, etc. live this life because that's what they were taught.

It’s understandable that it feels uncomfortable to make ourselves and our needs a priority.


Society doesnt celebrate Self-Love

Yes, ‘self-love’ has become a bit of a buzz word in the past few years, but it still comes with an undercurrent of implied selfishness.

Part of this is because it’s misunderstood. 

Self-love isn’t a pamper party where you ‘indulge’ in things to make you feel ‘special’.

Sure, that can be part of it, but this misunderstanding leads to the negative undertones.

Related Topic: What Self-Love Isn't

Those that tirelessly give themselves to others and take care of others (and put themselves last) are praised for being selfless.  They’re applauded for being amazing wives, mothers, daughters, neighbors, etc.

The woman that hires a sitter for her kids on a Saturday afternoon so she can get away to clear her head with an afternoon to herself is seen as neglectful, less involved, and selfish.


It’s easier to hate ourselves than love ourselves

Another reason we struggle with self-love?

It’s so much easier to hate ourselves than love ourselves.  

Finding every single flaw on our body is a way we, as women, connect with other women. 

Think about it…if you heard a woman say she loved her curves, embraced her cellulite, and felt like she was the sexiest creature on the planet, what would you think?  Most women would rip her to shreds!

We see hating on ourselves as the norm. It’s what we’re supposed to do. We’re not supposed to like anything about ourselves.

It’s easy to see our flaws.  It’s hard to see our strengths.


We Need to Love Ourselves

If we want to live fulfilling, healthy, satisfying lives, we NEED to allow ourselves to love and accept ourselves.  It’s through this self-acceptance that we thrive.

Also, if we love ourselves, it not only allows us to love others more deeply, but it allows others to see who we truly are and celebrate who we are with us.

If more women could learn to fall in love with themselves, we could teach an entire generation of young girls how to do the same.

Can you imagine a world like that?

That’s a future of females that would I want to see.


Want to Learn to Fall in Love with Yourself?

On March 6, I’ll be leading a 4 week, small group program where you will start to learn how to fall in love with yourself without feeling an ounce of guilt.

Imagine, loving yourself unconditionally with no apologies, no excuses, and no guilt.

Interested?  Check it out and enroll now!


What would be different in your life if you loved yourself exactly as you are? Leave me a comment and let me know!