"Having it All" is Possible {but it's not what you think!}

You’re a high achieving successful woman and just like everyone else, you want to ‘have it all’.

You’re chasing the perfect utopia where you have a thriving career, loving family, perfect body, and time for yourself.

Yet, you’re burned out, exhausted, and feeling like you have anything but it ‘all’.

Some say it’s not possible for the modern woman to ‘have it all’.  You have to choose between a thriving career and being super involved in your family.

I don’t agree with this.

I think it’s entirely possible to ‘have it all’, but the key is to redefine what that means.

To 'have it all', you have to get real with yourself and drop the expectations of everyone else around you.  The ‘having it all’ that you’re chasing may not even be what you truly want!

What does it mean to ‘Have it All’?

Take out a piece of paper and in five minutes list out everything that you would need to have in your life to ‘have it all’.  Don’t overthink it, just jot down whatever comes to mind.

Now take a good look at that list.  I can’t even see it and I bet it’s a pretty long list!

You may be getting tired just looking at it!

Most women put very high expectations on themselves, which sets themselves up to fail.

It’s no surprise when thinking about ‘having it all’ that you would do the same thing.

High achieving women in their 40s want to be the boss at work, make Pinterest-worthy dinners for their families every night, have mind-blowing sex with their partner five times a week, a perfectly neat and oh-so-stylish home, and well-behaved kids with straight A’s and no attitude.  

Oh, and they also want to toss in time with their friends, solo adventures, and a perfect tight body due to all the yoga and Pilates they squeeze into their schedule.

I doubt Superwoman could achieve all of this (except for the tight booty part)!!

That’s society’s definition of what it means for a woman in her 40s to ‘have it all’.  If that’s what you’re chasing it’s no wonder you’re not feeling on top of everything.

So, when you look at your list, do you really want to achieve all of that, or did you write down things that you feel you should have in order to ‘have it all’?

How to redefine ‘Having it All’

If you want to ‘have it all’ you have to get crystal clear on what that means to YOU.

Not what society tells...what it means to YOU.

The key to figuring out how to 'have it all' is to cross off anything you feel you should do to look like you ‘have it all’.  Then, for just a moment forget about how you will ‘have it all’ (i.e. being the boss, the mind-blowing sex, the perfect Pilates booty, the attitude-free kids) and consider how you would feel when you have it all.

How does it feel to ‘have it all’

When you close your eyes and imagine your life where everything is balanced and you ‘have it all’, how do you feel?

For me, I feel balanced, calm, peaceful, love (both from others and for others), rested, fulfilled, and excited.

This has nothing to do with my actions or successes or goals.  This is simply how it would feel if I managed to ‘have it all’.

After you identify how ‘having it all’ would feel, think about how you’re feeling in your life right now and ask yourself these questions:

• How does what you’re feeling now differ from what it’ll feel like when you ‘have it all’?

• What’s going on in your life now that is preventing you from feeling any or all of those feelings?

• When you think about those feelings, what daily things would you need or want to do to create those feelings?

To transition from what you’re feeling now to what you want to feel, you’ll have to do the following:

• Edit out some of the things that don’t contribute to those feelings of ‘having it all’

• Set boundaries and set up new practices

• Make yourself a priority

• Get out of your head and into your body to start feeling on a regular basis

• Let go of society’s expectations and embrace your own thoughts, feelings, and desires

If you get clear on how it will feel when you ‘have it all’ you’ll start to get clear on what you need to do (or not do) to make that more of a reality (Pinterest worthy dinners not required!).

FINAL THOUGHTS

‘Having it all’ is elusive - there are no defined parameters so you get caught on the hamster wheel of what everyone else tells you it means (‘everyone else’ = TV, movies, Pinterest, your best friends).  Because of this, you’re running yourself ragged trying to achieve someone else’s dream.

If you set aside all the activities and desired outcomes and focus on how you want to feel when you finally achieve ‘having it all’, it’ll help you get crystal clear on what needs to go in your life, what needs to stay, and what needs to be introduced.

If you’re not sure how to achieve this or find that clarity - hit me up and let’s work together!