Keepin' it Real: Being Okay in my Vulnerability

When some people blog, they happily share all their dirty laundry and put everything out for all to see.  I admire those that feel the courage to do that.  

I, on the other hand, tend to be a little reserved with sharing what’s going on in my life behind the computer. 

It’s not that I’m trying to intentionally hide things, it’s just that’s my nature.

Feeling exposed isn’t something I strive to feel on a regular basis, which is why today’s Keepin’ it Real topic is so fitting.

 

Vulnerability...

 

Vulnerability isn’t something that a lot of people feel comfortable with and I’m leading the pack on that one!

But, last year, I did a lot of personal work while a member of a yearlong life mastermind group.  One of the things we discussed (many times) was vulnerability.

Vulnerability is one of those things that sounds much easier to do than it actually is (and let’s be real…it doesn’t even sound easy!).

Let's look at the definition of vulnerability before we go any further...

Vulnerability: the quality or state of being exposed to the possibility of being attacked or harmed, either physically or emotionally.

 

Based on that definition, who WOULD be okay with being vulnerable??

But...

As I did the research and the work on myself last year, I have a new mantra:  "I'm okay in my vulnerability." 

 

Being Okay with My Vulnerability

I usually have to repeat my mantra a few times...

"I'm okay in my vulnerability, I'm okay in my vulnerability, I'm okay in my vulnerability."

 
Because the truth is...I'm not always okay in my vulnerability.

 

At least that's what my inner bully and scared inner child want me to believe.

Brene Brown is the master at talking about vulnerability and she explains a lot more eloquently that I can that vulnerability allows us to deeply connect with others.  It allows us to get real with ourselves.

But, vulnerability is scary AF.  

I am completely okay with other people's vulnerability and admire those that peel back the layers for others to see.  They're brave, they're courageous, they're raw, they're real, and they're inspiring.

I don't judge them or see fault in their imperfections or struggles. 

 

I see strength.
Avoiding vulnerability closes us off.  It keeps us separated from others by a gigantic wall that we build brick by brick to protect ourselves.

In our efforts to hide our imperfections and flaws by hiding behind the wall, we also close off our ability to reach out to others, connect with others, and experience a deeper, fuller existence.

We set ourselves up to live a 1/2 life.

I know this all to well because I've been hiding behind my own wall that I have carefully built for the past couple of decades.

I know why it's there...while I embrace imperfections and flaws in others, I shudder at the idea of others seeing mine.  Although, I'm sure I'm living in quite the dream land behind my wall since some of my imperfections probably aren't as safely hidden as I'd like to believe.

As I went through my coaching training and read countless personal growth books, I know what this means.

It means that I, like most other people on this planet, have some deep seated insecurities that I need to deal with in order to start bringing down that wall.

And...just to be clear...I don't want to just bring down the wall.  I want to obliterate it so my path it free and clear.  

For the most part, I am confident in myself and I like myself.  But, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t bear the scars of growing up and have a few battle wounds (i.e. insecurities) that are stubborn and hard to heal.

While they’re there, I don’t tend to dwell on them too much but I do bump up against them from time to time.

You might be wondering what my insecurities and fears are?  

 

Where I'm most Vulnerable

Most of my vulnerabilities center around ‘being seen’. I’ve questioned myself on what this actually means and what I’ve come up with so far is being seen as incompetent, boring, or just not good enough.

Do I consider myself incompetent, boring, or not good enough on a regular basis?

NOPE!  

But, when faced with something that is scary, it bubbles to the surface and suddenly I question if I am indeed one of those.

Where it hits me the most is with expanding my business and dating.  

Right now, I’m dating someone awesome and it’s been smooth sailing for several months now.  Have I felt vulnerable…OMG yes!  But, I know that in order to really connect with him, I have to let him in (and for the record…he’s REALLY good at opening up and letting me in, so he sets the bar high and inspires me to do the same).  So, I’m actively working on this one and I’m currently feeling like I’m coming out the winner (i.e. I'm facing my fear of letting him in and slowly peeling back those layers).

As for my business, I still struggle with ‘putting myself out there’.  It’s hard when you’re starting out.  But, I’m determined to step it up and get in front of those vulnerabilities so I can create the life I crave. 

 

Final THoughts

I'm still a work in progress, just like you.  

I'm working on this, not only in my dating and business life, but just in general.  The fact that I'm even sharing any of this is a HUGE step for me.  

I'll get there.  I may not get to the point where I overshare everything minute thing in my life, just know that we all have struggles...even those that put up the 'perfect' facade (personally, I think those folks are the ones that are probably struggling the most).


Where are you most vulnerable? Are you doing anything to conquer it?