Self-Love is More than Just a Day at the Spa


Most people are missing the point on self-love.  They see it as taking the time to pamper or indulge ourselves, but that’s not it.  

Pampering or indulging yourself is something you do now and then.  Loving yourself isn’t something you occasionally do, it’s an ongoing, daily practice.  

While it does involve how you treat yourself, the key to self-love is how you feel about yourself (with or without pampering).

While some think it’s selfish or narcissistic to love yourself (it’s not!), it’s as vital to your well being as daily movement and eating healthy.  

You wouldn’t eat a bowl of ice cream for every meal, would you?  

Not living your life in a way that allows you to love yourself is just as detrimental to your overall health and happiness as eating ice cream for every meal.  

When you love yourself, you love your life.

Everyone deserves to love themselves and their life, and it’s entirely within your power right now.  You don’t need more things, or a better job, or a tighter butt.  

You can love yourself exactly as you are today.


Self-Love isn’t a Day at the Spa

There is absolutely nothing wrong with pampering yourself.  Everyone deserves to feel good about themselves and to treat themselves to something special from time to time.

But, don’t confuse this with self-love.  

You may indulge yourself from time to time because you love yourself and know you’re worth it.


You may shower yourself with special treatment from time to time to hide from the self-loathing and hate you walk around with every single day.

Pampering yourself does not prove you love yourself.

Do a Google search on self-love, and you will see article after article and blog post after blog post that outlines how to love yourself more by getting a manicure, going for a massage, or some other temporary indulgence.

Let’s get real here - to fall in love with yourself you have to start on the inside and do the work there.  You could go to the spa every single day and still hate yourself.  Or, you could never step a toe inside a spa again for the rest of your life and love every single inch of yourself (inside and out).

I encourage you to pamper yourself, but that by itself will not allow you to fall in love with yourself.


Choosing to Love Yourself Every Day

Loving yourself every single day is a choice.

Just like you choose to love your partner every day, both on the good days and the terrible days (especially the terrible days!), you choose to love yourself.

We’re our worst critics, and most of the time we engage in behaviors and thoughts that fall under the category of self-abuse, yet we never consider ourselves abusive. 

If you’re like most women, you berate yourself when you fail or make a mistake.  You know every flaw on your body and obsess over how it makes you inferior. You punish yourself if you eat a cupcake and kill yourself at the gym because you hate your thighs.  You tell yourself you’re never enough and you don’t believe in yourself.

You fail to see how beautiful and unique you truly are because you’re too busy comparing yourself to everyone else walking around you.

This is not love.  

You would never treat someone you love like you’ve been treating yourself.  You would never think the things you think about yourself about someone you love.  You would never talk to someone you love like you talk to yourself.

Think about someone you love.  You know your loved one isn't perfect and sometimes may even drive you bat sh*t crazy, but you love that person anyway.

Your partner doesn’t have perfect six pack abs, but you love him exactly as he is.

Your daughter went for class president and didn’t win, but you don’t tell her she’s a failure.

That’s how you show love for someone, and that is the foundation of self-love.  Loving yourself is all about how you treat yourself, talk to yourself, and think about yourself.

It’s believing in yourself and seeing your gifts over your flaws.    

To thrive and grow, you have to start choosing to love yourself, not hate yourself.  

 You have to choose this every single day - especially on the days when it’s oh-so-easy to pick apart every single {perceived} flaw.



Treat Yourself like Your Best Friend

As a grown woman, you’ve spent years hating on yourself.  It’s second nature at this point.

So, learning to fall in love with yourself will take some work.

You have to start catching the behaviors that don’t exactly say ‘hey me, I love you right now.'
The easiest way to start showing love to yourself is to imagine how you treat your best friend (assuming you have a healthy relationship with your bestie!).  

If what you’re saying to yourself or if how you’re treating yourself isn’t what you’d do to your best friend, then start right there.

If you’re piling too much on your plate and you know you’d tell your best friend to leave a few things off, then follow your own advice.

Most likely, you’re supportive of your best friend’s dreams, and you believe in her 100%.  Do the same for yourself.

You don’t want your best friend to work herself to the bone or to stay in a relationship with a jerk that treats her like crap - same goes for you, cupcake.

It's time for you to stop treating yourself like you’re worst enemy and to treat yourself like you actually like yourself.

Making these few tweaks to your mindset and how you think about yourself will have a world of difference in your life.



Loving yourself is a daily choice and one that is central to your overall well-being.

There’s nothing selfish about liking who you are, respecting your needs, and loving you and your life.  Taking a random day and going to the spa, while certainly deserved, is not the key to loving yourself.

Self-love starts within, and it’s how you think about yourself, talk to yourself, and believe in yourself.

Go to the spa and enjoy!  But, don’t confuse that with loving yourself.

Check out my Self-Love + Moxie group program if you struggle with loving yourself and want more guidance on how to stop the negative self-talk and self-destructive behaviors.  It will be open for enrollment later this year.  Or let’s work together one on one to get to the bottom of what’s getting in your way from falling in love with you.