8 No BS Tips for Dating in Your 40's

Dating in your 40's is a different ballgame than dating in your 20's.  Regardless of whether you’ve never been married or, more than likely, you’re getting back out there after ending a marriage or a long term relationship.

Dating in your 40's doesn’t have to be a drag - it can be a lot of fun!

It’s all in how you approach it.

In fact, in my experience, it’s a LOT more fun to date in my 40s than it was in my 20s.

But, because dating is so different between now than in your past, let’s talk about a few useful tips to make the experience even more rewarding.


 

THE 40'S ARE BETTER THAN THE 20'S

When you’re dating in your 20s, you’re bright-eyed and optimistic.

 
When you’re dating in your 40s, you’ve been around the block a few times and hit a few bumps along the way.
 

The rose colored glasses come off around the time you discover your long-term partner isn’t who you thought they’d be.

For some, this means sliding into a jaded, cynical place and seeing dating as a cruel life joke (like still getting acne in your 40s...seriously??).

But, it doesn’t have to be that way.

As a woman in your 40s, yes, you’re wiser to the world and know relationships are hard.

But, there are some perks to navigating the dating field at this stage in life:

  • You get to feel all those fluttery, exciting new love feelings all over again
  • You know yourself SO much better and, hopefully, make better choices
  • Your confidence is a lot higher in your 40s, so not only do you feel better, but you’re much more attractive to potential dates (which makes it so much more fun!)

So, to make the most of your foray back into the dating world, I have a few tips for you...

 

NO BS TIPS FOR DATING IN YOUR 40'S

Tip #1 | Be clear on what your goals

Maybe you want something casual, long term, or eventually marriage.  Knowing what you want, will allow you to communicate it and stand strongly behind your needs.  

If you don’t want something casual, then move on to another guy if you meet someone that is only looking for something short term or just for fun (even if he is incredibly hot!).

 

Tip #2 | Fill your own cup first

You cannot expect someone else to be the sole provider of your happiness.  

 
If you feel empty or like a man is the answer to your unhappiness or being with a man gives you an identity - you’re not ready to date.
 

You need to do some work on yourself before diving into the pool.  

Quick tip...want to be instantly more attractive to men?

Show up loving your life, having interests/hobbies/passions that light you up, and the ability to make yourself happy.  It takes the pressure off for them to be your sole happiness provider.

Yes, men naturally want to make the woman in their life happy, but it’s not their responsibility to be the only thing that makes you happy.

Do the work first.

 

Tip #3 | Don’t simply try to fill an open position

Your partner is more than just a position to be filled, yet so many women approach dating as if that’s the case.  You want a boyfriend or husband so badly; you’ll overlook red flags just to have that person in your life.

If you do this, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment and misery.

Think of it this way - you need a pair of comfortable, reliable shoes for a 100-mile walk.  Are you going to buy the first pair that you find in your size simply because they’re shoes?  No!  You’re going to try on multiple pairs until you find one that fits the best, is comfortable, won’t cause any blisters, and will last through all those miles.

Put the same effort into finding the right man for you.  If he doesn’t fit you and your life properly, don’t hang onto him simply to have a boyfriend.  Hold out for the one that fits you best, is comfortable in your life, doesn’t hurt you, and will stand the test of time with you.

A good pair of shoes should protect and support your feet over the rocky parts of the road, whereas a bad pair of shoes will not only provide no protection or support, they'll actually make your feet hurt more.  The right guy will support and protect you through the hard times, but the wrong guy will add even more problems to your life.

 

Tip #4 | Don’t jump back in too soon

Recently divorced or out of a long-term relationship?  

It may seem like a good idea to get right back out there, but that’s never a good idea.

You need to take the time to heal and grow.  You need to use that as an opportunity to learn what went wrong and the part you played.  

Otherwise, by jumping back in too soon you’re looking for a bandaid, and you’ll keep making the same relationship mistakes again and again.

Take the time to reflect, learn who you are and what you want, then get back out there.  

 

Tip #5 | Be you

Don’t try to act like someone you’re not; don’t try to dress like someone younger than you are.

Be YOU.

This means you have to know who you are and be confident in yourself.  Once you’ve done that, put YOU out there, not a make-believe version.

Your goal is to find someone that fits well with you and your life.  How can you do that if you’re not putting the authentic you out there?

We all have our quirks, and you might be inclined to hide those, but those quirks are what make you, YOU.

I promise you, the right guy will adore those unique qualities about you, so just be you.

 

Tip #6 |  Be Curious

Approach each date with curiosity.  Don’t go into it focused solely on if the guy will like you.  

Your primary goal in dating is to find out if YOU like HIM.

Be curious about him, his past, and what he’s looking for (but don’t whip out a list of questions like it’s an interview!).

If you approach dating with curiosity, it’ll make it so much more fun.

 

Tip #7 | Upgrade your attitude

I hear so many women complain there aren’t enough good men out there - especially when you’re in your 40's.  

You think men our age only want younger women, or they must be a hot mess if they’re still single (ummm...no need to remind you, but you’re single too!).  

It’s not true.  

There are plenty of good men out there, and they don’t all want a woman half their age (and if they do, just take that for the red flag that it is and move on)!

 
If you are approaching dating with the attitude that most men suck, you’re not exactly going to give off an alluring vibe.
 

Think about it from the flip side - would you want to go out with a man that thinks all women are gold-digging-b*tches?  You would likely sense a not so friendly vibe and head for the hills.  

Don’t be the same thing and expect to find a decent guy.

 

Tip #8 | Stop saying dating sucks

What we say, think, and feel creates the energy we put out into the world.

If you are approaching dating with the mindset that it sucks, then not only is that the vibe you send out (not good), but it’s also the lens through which you experience all of your dates.

Flip that lens to ‘dating is fun’ or ‘dating is an adventure, ’ and it’ll change how you experience it and make you appear a lot more approachable in the process.


 

FINAL THOUGHTS

Let’s be honest, dating in your 40's is different, but not necessarily in a bad way.  You are more confident, in a different stage of life, and have a lot more experience under your belt.

Whether you want to date for short term companionship or a long-term partner, own who you are and what you desire.  Don’t sacrifice your needs and wants.  Hold out for what you are ultimately looking for and you will find it.

Be true to you, and you will find success - however you define that!

Follow a few of these no-BS tips, and it’ll turn your dating game around for the better.  You deserve it!