Dating in your 40s...a necessary evil or a new release on life?
If you’re ‘hell yeah!’ for the latter, then this post probably isn’t for you ;).
But, if dating in your 40s is feeling a little bit like a cruel trick in life, then grab some coffee (or your drink of choice!) and allow me to boost your confidence, so you start dating from an entirely new perspective!
One of the hardest things about dating for anyone is to go into with the right frame of mind.
Too often, you’re so worried about what your date thinks about you, that you fail to take notice of potential red flags.
There may be many goals of dating, but let’s assume, for the sake of this post, that your goal is to find a partner.
The best way to suss out the best guys for you is to walk into your dates full of confidence. Not arrogance....confidence.
If you lack confidence while dating in your 40s, it’s likely because you haven’t done it in a while. Maybe you’re coming out of a marriage or a long term relationship, or you took some time off to just be you.
You're doing something that you haven't done in awhile, so it makes perfect sense that it makes you nervous and your confidence takes a hit. It can be scary getting back ‘out there’!
- “What do I say to not sound like an idiot?”
- “What do I do if I spill my drink all over me? Or worse...all over him?!” (side note...been there, done that...TWICE!)
- “What do I wear?”
To insult to injury, just being older can make your confidence slip. You feel men only want younger women (some do, but many don’t!), or that you don’t look as ‘good’ as you used to (you do!). Throw all of this together, and it’s understandable why you feel a little off your game when approaching dating.
While I'm going give you a list of tips to get in the different frame of mind, the best practice for building your confidence is just to do it. Dive in, feel the fears, say something stupid, spill the drink, trip over your own feet, etc. Each time you do something scary, it gets easier!
5 TIPS TO DATE WITH MORE CONFIDENCE
Even though dating can be a little scary (even when rocking your confidence!), it doesn’t have to be.
At its most basic level, dating is just getting to know another person. That’s it! If you make it into something bigger, then that’s when you start to make it harder for yourself.
Take a step back, inhale a big cleansing breath, and remember it’s just a meal (or drinks or coffee!).
With that in mind, here are some of my favorite tips on how to boost your confidence, so you become the queen of dating!
#1 | Be Clear On What You Want
You have experience in relationships so use that to your advantage. Don’t just focus on what you don’t want (although that’s important to be clear on!); take time to figure out what you do want).
When you know your deal breakers and your gotta-have-its it makes it easier to step into your power.
#2 | Treat Yourself to a New Look
Let’s be honest, if you’re about to hit the dating scene again, you’re going to worry about your appearance...it’s only natural!
So, this may be the perfect time to treat yourself to a killer outfit or two, a new haircut and/or color, and maybe even splurge on a makeup lesson (hello smokey eye!). You want to feel good when you go on that date, and a new outfit and sexy hair will put you in that frame of mind.
#3 | Know Your Worth
You are an amazing woman...any guy would be lucky to have you! Never short change all you have to offer someone. When you do that, you will pick the first guy that shows the least bit of interest in you.
Will every guy fall at your feet in desire...probably not, but that’s okay! That’s not a knock on you.
Remember, there will be men who want you - there will always be men who want you!
Keep in mind that you have everything you need to make someone else happy.
#4 | Don't Worry About Whether He Likes You or Not
Going on a date is the time for YOU to be a bit of an investigator. That doesn’t mean grilling your date or treating it like a deposition, but it does mean being really curious as to who this person is and whether or not they are a good fit for you.
Don’t worry about whether you’re a good fit for him! That only comes into play if you first determine he fits you and your life!
When you walk into a date with this mindset, it’s a game changer! You will be less nervous and a lot more confident.
#5 | Fake it til You Make it
If all else fails and you are beyond nervous, then just fake it til you make it! I’m not advocating that you pretend you are someone that you’re not. All I’m suggesting is that you fake the confidence...sometimes by pretending that we’re one way, we become it.
Dating is stressful, but it’s also a lot of fun! If you go into it with the right mindset, you will charm your date, expand your horizons, and meet lots of new people.
Will every date lead to a second date...probably not, but that’s okay! Each date that doesn't go on to something else means you’re one step closer to finding the right guy. He’s out there, I promise!
Dive in, hold your head high, believe in yourself, and have fun.
By following these five tips, you will boost your confidence and approach dating in an entirely different way.