5 Ways to Reconnect With Yourself


When we think of deepening our “connections” in our lives, we typically think of those around us - partner, family, friends, etc.

But the most important relationship to work on and strengthen is the one with ourselves.  Our personal relationship is the foundation of all of the other relationships in our lives.

To look at it from a different perspective, the one common link among all of the relationships we have is ourselves.  That means, if we don’t establish a healthy self-relationship, creating healthy and meaningful relationships with others is more next to impossible.


We all have a lens through which we view the world.  Our experiences color our lens in life, our background, our relationships, and how we see ourselves.

That means everything that flows into and out of us passes through this lens:  what we see, say, believe, think, feel, listen, etc. This filter impacts our mood and emotions and can make us happier, angrier, or sadder.

Our relationship with ourselves can make our day the best ever, or the worst day ever - depending on how we see ourselves.  It can also strengthen our ties with others, or fray them beyond repair.

Unfortunately, for most of us, we put ourselves and our well-being at the bottom of our priority list and hope for the best.  We disconnect ourselves from our true feelings, so we don’t have to deal with them, and we ignore our deepest desires because we don’t have time to explore them.

This leads to a reality where we don’t really know ourselves, and we certainly don’t trust ourselves.  We don’t set boundaries, we don’t value our uniqueness, and we don’t stand up for our needs.

Now, let’s consider things from a different perspective.

When we think about the people we care for the most, we make time for them.  We want to see them, we cheer them on, we support their crazy dreams, and we wish only the best for them.

We take care of them, and we encourage them.  If they needed us to, we’d likely even fight for them if we thought it’d help them in a time of need.

But for many of us, we don’t do any of that for ourselves (lest we appear selfish!).

At the end of the day, we are just as important as those we love, and we need to treat ourselves just as we treat our most favorite people in our world.

Not loving ourselves or, having a strong relationship with ourselves, means we may accept treatment from others that are unacceptable (abuse, bullying, etc.), are taken advantage of, or put ourselves in less-than-ideal situations.

Also, by not loving and having a strong connection with ourselves, we lack a firm foundation of healthy love, so in gauging our relationships with others, we can’t fully experience a healthy love because we have no clue what that’s like.

By having a strong relationship with ourselves, we know what we like, what we’ll tolerate, and what we want for ourselves.  We can show our true self to others and forge a stronger relationship with them. They’ll see us for who we are and that lays the foundation for a more meaningful bond.

When we fail to love, accept, and respect for ourselves, we create an emptiness within ourselves that we look to others to fill.  This makes us vulnerable to unhealthy relationships because we’ve put ourselves in a needy position.


As with any relationship, to deepen and strengthen it, we have to put the time, effort, and energy into it to breathe in fresh air.

To facilitate this process, here are six ways to better connect with yourself:

#1 | Hang out with yourself:  Just like getting to know a new friend, you have to spend lots of time with yourself to get to know the real you.  To strengthen your relationship with yourself, you have to do things on your own.  So, go to that restaurant you’ve been wanting to try, check out the movie you’re dying to see, take that trip you’ve always dreamed of.  You don’t have to have a +1 in order to enjoy life! It’s okay, and perfectly acceptable, to do things alone and I highly encourage it. This also gives you time to do the work to peel back the layers to see new sides of yourself.

#2 | Just say ‘no’:  Too many of us fall in the trap of saying ‘yes’ to others when we don’t really want to.  In order to find the time to reconnect with yourself, you will have to say ‘no’ to others.  Think of it like this: by saying “no” to someone else, you’re saying “yes” to yourself!

#3 | Get to know yourself better:  Since this is implied in the process of reconnecting with yourself, it has to be on the list!  We assume we know ourselves better than anyone, but I don’t believe that’s true for most people because we’re so busy we fail to really see ourselves.  Take time to explore what you like or enjoy, and why. What are you curious about? What are your core values and truths? The better you know yourself, the more you can live authentically.

#4 | Believe in yourself:  Just as you believe in your best friend or your partner, believe in yourself, your talents, your dreams, etc.  It’s amazing what the power of believing can do for your life! When you believe in what you want and who you are, you’ll act accordingly.

#5 | Quiet your Inner Critic voice:  Everyone has an inner critic, or what I like to call, our Inner Bully.  This voice is a natural part of our existence, but too often, people listen to and believe what this voice tells them.  If one of your best friends said those things to you would you keep them around? If you want to strengthen your relationship with yourself you have to learn to tame that voice and release its power over you.


We have to take responsibility for our well-being in order to spread our wings to cultivate meaningful and loving relationships.  Social relationships are vital to our longevity, good health, and life satisfaction, but it all starts with our personal relationship with ourselves.

To boost your relationship with your partner, to reconnect with your best friend, or to expand your social circle, you have lean into self-care, own your self-respect, and practice self-love.  These are basic requirements that must be met before we can expect to have meaningful relationships with others.